32 Life Lessons for our Teenage Daughters
There’s something like a line of gold thread running through a man’s words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown
- Listen to the sound of your own voice
- You won’t always get what you want but never settle for less than you deserve
- Two telephone numbers you should keep in your cell phone your fathers cell number and his work number
- Make up your own mind no one should tell you what to be.
- Don’t just be different dream BIG and give it 100%.
- A man who respects your mind and body is a guy worth dating
- Find your life’s passion now find a charity and donate to it
- Use a condom. Enough said!
- Make positive choices
- Turn off the lights and shut off the water when you’re not using either
- Be a good listener and pay attention to the details
- Ask yourself from time to time what’s your Life plan?
- Take the easy way out. Never!
- Lend money to no one if they need it give it as a gift. If you don’t have it to give then you don’t have it.
- “Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes”
- Being smart and pretty is not enough. Develop your character
- Say thank you when someone pays you a compliment.
- Less is more
- If a guy asks you out on a date he should pick up the bill, if it’s your idea return the favor, if you’re with a gentleman rules not apply
- Fall down, cry, make mistakes and when its all over get back up
- It’s not your job to change anyone so don’t make it your profession
- Believe that all things are possible even when the odds are against you
- Peer pressure is adopting values you don’t believe in
- You don’t have to be a chef but learn to cook a couple of good meals
- Be careful not to fall in love with the idea of love
- The grass is not always greener on the other side so focus on making grass greener from where you stand
- Friends come and go those who stay remember them
- Most people don’t discover what they want until its too late
- Let go of trying to be perfect because it’s impossible
- Make a decision and follow through
- Be honest! You’re travelling a dangerous road when you start to lie to yourself
- If you can’t think go for a walk.
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10 Things Your Teenager Won’t Tell You
Wonder what’s bugging your teen? It’s hard to be certain when all your son does is grunt and your daughter won’t stop rolling her eyes. So rather than pressing our own kids to talk—not going to happen!—we asked teenagers from around the country what messages they wish they could share with their moms and dads. Sure, every child is different, but it may do you and your teen some good if you took these truthful kids’ concerns to heart.
1. She needs privacy.
“I hate that my parents don’t give me any personal space,” says Eleanor, 14. “And I hate that they don’t think I need it.” Even if your children share a room, give each child an area that’s off-limits to everyone else in the family (including you), such as a desk or a spare closet. To show that you respect your teen’s privacy, don’t rummage through her personal space unless you have a concrete reason to believe that she’s lying to you or hiding something serious. And remember: “All kids today are doing drugs” isn’t a concrete reason.
2. Sometimes he just needs you to listen.
“I want to tell my mom and dad everything,” says Keegan, 13, “but I don’t want to listen to them nag.” Understand that sometimes your kids just want a sounding board—they’re not looking for you to solve all their problems. When your son complains that his science teacher is being unfair or his soccer coach has been extra-hard on him, encourage him to talk by asking open-ended questions. (“Well, how does that make you feel?”) Don’t jump in with advice or threaten to intervene.
3. She may be dating—even if you’ve explicitly said she can’t.
“I didn’t tell my parents about a guy I dated for a year, because they didn’t allow me to have boyfriends,” says Marla, 15. “They knew we hung out, but I’d say, ‘Oh, we’re just friends.’” Try to be relaxed when it comes to dating—even if it’s killing you. Instead of forcing your daughter to sneak around, let her start with group dates, where at least four other kids are with her and her date at all times.
4. He may not be getting great grades on every assignment.
“I don’t tell my parents when I get a bad grade because I don’t want to listen to them tell me how I’ve let them down,” says Sam, 16, who says he occasionally fails a quiz but usually makes up for it with better exam scores. “There are nights I just don’t feel like studying!” Sometimes one bad grade is just that: one bad grade. If your son feels like he can vent to you about bombing a quiz or a book report, you won’t have to wait until the end of a semester to find out he’s struggling in school.
5. She doesn’t want to talk to you about sex.
“My mom knows I’ve kissed a boy,” says Sonia, 15, “but I don’t want to tell her anything else. It’s my life, not hers.” The good news is, in a 2005 government survey, less than half of high school students (47 percent) said they’d had sex. Still, it’s safest to assume your teen is in that 47 percent and educate her about birth control or preventing STDs. Don’t press her for personal details, but do offer advice; use third-person examples if it helps.
6. He hates when you don’t hold his siblings accountable.
“I hate that my parents don’t care how my youngest brother acts,” says Henry, 13. “When he swears or picks a fight with me or my older brother, they say, ‘He’s 7. He doesn’t know any better.’ But when I was his age I would have been in big trouble for swearing.” While it’s natural to become more lax as you have more children, it’s important to consider each unique situation, not just your children’s ages. Remember, all of your kids will respect you more if they think you’re a fair and reasonable parent.
7. She wishes you’d cut her some slack.
“It makes me sad when my mom screams at me when I’m already down,” says Erin, 17. Even if your daughter seems to screw up every time you turn around, it’s important that she doesn’t feel like you’re constantly coming down on her. When you’re upset, take some deep breaths; a few minutes might give you perspective (is it really worth it to lose your cool over dirty laundry?) and a chance to evaluate your daughter’s mood. Perhaps she’s ignored the laundry because she’s stressed about school or antsy about a boy who hasn’t called her back.
8. He lies to stay out of trouble.
“Sometimes I don’t come home because I’m too drunk to drive,” says Aaron, 19. “If I told my parents that, they’d flip out, so I lie.” While it would be irresponsible to give underage drinking the green light, you don’t want your child to be in an unsafe situation because he’s rushing to be home on time. If your son calls just before curfew and says he needs a ride, save your questions (and lectures) for the morning.
9. She gets frustrated when you use her age to your advantage.
“I can’t stand it when my parents say, ‘You’re 17. Act like a grownup,’ one day, and then turn around and say, ‘You’re not old enough to do that. You’re only 17,’ the next,” says Izzy. “Which is it? Make up your mind!” Since “age-appropriate” is subjective, try to give your child hard-and-fast rules that aren’t dependent on a number. (“Every member of this family attends church on Sunday,” or “Visiting friends at college isn’t allowed until you’re in college yourself.”)
10. He wishes you would trust him.
“My parents don’t trust that I don’t do drugs,” says Steven, 15. “And I really hate that they believe what other people tell them instead of what I tell them.” Constantly accusing your kids of this or that—especially if your accusations are unfounded—breeds mistrust. Eventually they’ll do something dishonest just because they’re sick of being wrongly accused. Trust your kids until they give you a real reason not to.
Related articles
- Parenting advice by teens, Radical Parenting. Ask yours to be “Teacher for the Day.” (howtobeawalkingmomtra.wordpress.com)
- Busting the myth of the teenaged monster (jamespatrick1.wordpress.com)
- Tips for Talking With Your Daughter (teens.webmd.com)
- Helping Your Teen to Stay Healthy (brighthub.com)
10 Ways to Inspire Your Kids
You probably already know how important it is for kids to indulge their creative side, but even when they’re up for being imaginative, many projects are mostly a lesson in following instructions.“This project-based, interactive experience inspires kids like nothing I’ve ever seen,” Bascomb says. Read on for tips on how to inspire your own children.
1. Practice what you preach.
“Mentor and coach alongside your children,” advises Bascomb. “It’s incredibly inspiring for kids to work with their parents, instead of simply taking directions from them.” This way, they’ll see that you’re truly invested in their success and will view you as an ally. And hey, maybe you’ll learn something new, too! So next time they need your help with a project, instead of telling them how to do it, jump in and try to figure it out together.
2. Encourage hands-on activities.
Bascomb stresses the importance of “getting in there and working with your hands,” explaining that there is something almost primal about our desire to build and create. Put away the computers and smartphones, get some tools––even just a hammer, nails and wood––and build something together. “You might light a fire inside your kid that you didn’t know existed.” You’ll also help your child connect to and appreciate the way of life that previous generations experienced, before video games and the Internet.
3. Expect more from your kids.
It can be tempting to over-assist in an effort to help your child succeed, but hand-holding can backfire and send the message that she can’t do it on her own. Instead, says Bascomb, “give your kids responsibility, and expect more from them. It’s amazing what kids are able to do if you push them to take a leadership role, formulate their own ideas and execute them. Give them the tools they need, and let them run.”
4. Provide the raw materials.
Lynn Louise Wonders, LPC, RPT-S, RYT, psychotherapist and director of services at Marietta Counseling for Children & Adults (MCCA) in Marietta, Georgia, notes the importance of stocking your child’s environment with materials conducive to creativity. “Keep things like clay, confetti, googly eyes and popsicle sticks on hand and readily available,” she advises. Libby Chalk, LMFT, a therapist on staff at MCCA, adds, “Instead of turning on the TV for young children, purchase toys that encourage imaginative play, like a dollhouse, train table and farm set. Not only does this encourage creativity and abstract thinking, but it also provides opportunities to take on new roles and experiment with teamwork and relationships.”
5. Help them “peer up.”
While parental involvement is paramount, it’s also crucial that kids have opportunities to learn with others on their level. “Find projects and outlets where your children can learn together with other kids,” Bascomb says. “Peer-to-peer learning is an incredibly motivational, exciting way to learn, and one that reinforces knowledge like no test or studying ever could.” Seek extracurricular activities and camps in which kids work together in teams to create something, like a science project or music video, or have your kids and their friends brainstorm creative projects they can do at home.
6. Applaud efforts over outcomes.
While it’s tempting to pile on the praise for a job well done, it’s more important to encourage kids throughout the process in order to recognize and engage their intrinsic creativity and ability. “When a child realizes for himself that he has the ability, potential and know-how to figure it out, his motivation becomes a much deeper pool to draw from than when he relies on external sources to boost him,” says Wonders.
7. Expand your child’s comfort zone.
Learning about different cultures and ways of life can expand your child’s mind by opening his eyes to alternate ways of doing things. “Take your children to unfamiliar places to observe a different culture, even if it’s to another side of your own city,” Wonders suggests. Or regularly sample other cultures’ cuisines with your children, and “do some research together on that culture. Help your children see their own world from a different point of view.”
8. Recognize that one size does not fit all.
“Different brains process information in different ways,” explains Wonders, so don’t insist that your child create or study in a certain way if there are other viable options that may work better for her. “Brush up on different learning styles and help your child to understand the way her brain processes information most effectively.” Take this quiz to discover your child’s learning style then “join creative forces to find new ways to study for a test or complete a project.” You’ll be acknowledging and validating your child’s uniqueness while empowering her to figure out the things that work best for her.
9. Help them see the big picture.
Chalk suggests having older children or adolescents imagine the kind of person they want to be in five years, and even write a letter to their future self, contemplating such questions as “What do they want to be known for? What do they want their friends to like them for? What kind of activities do they want to be involved in or teams do they want to be on? What will they spend their time doing during the week and on weekends? Will they have a job? This can be a great platform to start talking about how to reach the goals they are setting and what steps they can be taking today,” explains Chalk.
10. Encourage kids to set their own bar.
Popular culture and cliques at many schools tend to promote a very narrow definition of what’s considered “cool,” but your kids don’t have to buy into it. Bascomb says, “Tell your kids that cool is what they make it, no matter their interests––whether it’s football, the cello, theater, dance, writing or chess. Tell them that if they work hard, are passionate about what they’re doing, and commit fully to it, then that activity is cool. Forget what anybody else says.”
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